Weekend Reflections - April 29th - 30th

What a week it’s been. I’m sitting here with my cup of peppermint tea (I know, who am I?) making myself reflect on the past seven days. It’s a practice I’m attempting to get a hang of since my therapist called me out on how I find it easier to intellectually understand my life rather than embrace the feelings that come up. I envy those who are able to easily connect with their feelings with ease. It’s gotten easier for me as I’ve worked on it, but I find myself starting sentences with “I think” instead of “I feel”. 

In order to connect with my emotions, I sometimes have to sit with nothing really going on around me, and meditate with my journal. Now, instead of utilizing my journal, I’m opening up here. This week made me feel proud of myself for a lot of what I’ve been through in the past year. I started writing again in this form, started opening up about my trauma, and bringing light to what my life is like. I also felt anxious and now exhausted from it all that I spent the majority of Saturday on my sofa binge-watching two seasons of ‘Single Drunk Female’. 

With all of that said, I’m really trying to embrace the fact that feelings aren’t the enemy or make me look weak for having them, especially the ‘negative’ ones. Looking back on this week, I can call out my emotions a lot better than I could a year ago. For instance, I felt happy when I bought myself tulips. I felt nervous when I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. I felt relaxed when I submitted my last item for work on Friday. Each day brings up emotions and I’m proud of myself for leaning into my vulnerability in sharing, even though it scares the shit out of me.